This is what I call a great intro

An 'About me' that I found particularly cool. Taken from Notes Inside My Head, a blog about caring for a newborn baby.

About Me

Sparx

Once upon a time I met a frog. I kissed the frog. He turned into a Grumpy Prince. I married him anyway. We had a baby. This meant getting pregnant. Being pregnant is very strange. I felt an intense urge to blurt this out to everyone. Having a baby also, oddly, means ACTUALLY having a baby. I felt the need to blurt this out as well. I am still blurting. Welcome to my blurt.

Welcome to my blurt. LOL.

What if

If I have a weakness, it would be my inability (or maybe unwillingness) to initiate conversation. I can never go up to someone and say, "Hello, how are you?", unless I am greatly compelled to. Thus when I am in a group with both people I know and don't know, I tend to stick with those I know best, and hardly interact with the others. Thus I miss out on making new friends and developing acquaintences.

And I've just discovered what a drawback that is. One of the great things about the Net is that you can find out a lot of things about people without actually meeting them. And I found out that a lot of people who I know only in passing are actually cool people whom i would love to know better. Sad, huh? Its hard being an introvert who's interested in people.

Man, I lament my lack of initiative.

I'm stunned

I just read somewhere that the people who are the most successful in what they do are usually those who are considered arrogant, stuck-up, and proud by their peers. Somehow I hope that's true. But I'm not sure if I want to be one of those people, though.

The reason why I mention this is because this past week I've witnessed firsthand the badmouthing and jeering we humans do to those whom we dislike. Suffice to say that its not pretty. Oh, of course nothing really much is said out loud directly against that person, just a lot of insulting associations and read-between-the-lines kind of insulting statements. One might call it vicious gossip, or underhanded backtalking. Sometimes I'm glad that I can't hear what others say about me behind my back. Leaves me feeling rather dirty, somehow.


*sigh*

It all comes back to the fact that we humans are too judgemental. And that none of us are perfect. Put those two together, and everybody's faults are amplified a hundred times bigger than they're worth. Maybe its the competition. And the fact that nobody like to admit that they are wrong.

Oh, well. It's a fallen world we live in, so fallen we are.

When good things happen

Good news: I've just received a full scholarship to study in the US, at Sewanee: The University of the South. Wow, you might say, a full scholarship! Thing is, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Happy? Excited? Elated? Overjoyed? I don't know, but I don't feel any of those. If anything, i feel even more scared and uncertain compared to before I got the scholarship.

*sigh*

That's life, isn't it? We strive so hard to get what we think we want, but when we do get them, we've no idea what to do with them. But I guess its the journey that matters, not the finish line.

Till next time then.

God bless.

Better Than The Rest

*sigh*

I've suddenly realised we kids are largely pawns in this huge competition between parents. They keep telling us that they're only doing what's best for us, that what they want for us and are striving for for us IS what's best for us. Maybe thats true to a certain degree. Maybe its because they love us that they want us to get into Ivy League Universities, get this or that scholarship, be better than the rest, etc. But I can't help feeling that to them, there's more at stake than simply what's best for us. They NEED to be able to take pride in us. Also, of course, their standing among other parents is at stake. Well, I suppose I can imagine the competition. I know how I feel when I hear that someone else got this or that scholarship, or got into this or that Ivy League University. Envy. Maybe more than envy, almost jealousy. And this great big feeling of inferiority. Its just that I don't show it. But I can imagine what my parents feel when they hear from other parents what their kids have achieved or received. A lot of the same, except even more so. I guess thats why my mom keeps pushing other kids achievements into my face. To make me share her feeling of inferiority? Maybe.

*sigh*

Recently I've seen and heard just how much mothers compete. Seems the only thing mothers who have kids my age talk about nowadays is scholarships and universities. And I can almost sense the hidden gloating (interchangeable with PRIDE, i guess) when my mum talks about my achievements so far. And I can also sense the gloating (hidden behind the "Oh, I'm sure it'll work out fine", of course) when my mum talks to other mums whose kids have certified and definitive 'bright' futures about the difficulties getting scholarships that I'm currently facing.

*sigh*

Of all the feelings and actions of humanity, I think inferiority (feeling) and gloating (action) are among the worst. Thats why I hate competition.